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That Time My Anxiety Failed Me

Mercury is not in retrograde, so what gives? Yesterday, my Scrivener app on my iPad crashed. That’s where I keep my writing, and it backs up to my iCloud files.

That app is also where I keep my story ideas, notes, lists of people I’ve queried, and lists of people I intend to query.

I was advised that if I reinstall the app, the files would all be safe. That wasn’t the case. They were wiped from the app, and from my backup files.

Because I am an anxious person, I also email myself my completed manuscripts and WIPs. I’ll admit that it’s gratifying when my anxiety pays off, because most of the time it makes me seem crazy. In this case, that doesn’t take away the sting of losing all of those notes, ideas, and lists, because I never emailed myself those.

That’s where my anxiety failed me.

I blame myself for not employing a secondary backup. Slipping into the gray place where writers question their own talents and choices, I can’t find the energy to try to recreate these lists of ideas. I am overwhelmed.

And then I remember: I’m amazing. I have surfed 48 years of bumps in the road. I’ll handle this, too.

I’ve blogged a bit about the importance of perseverance and tenacity in writing. It’s not so easy when a hippo-sized roadblock slams down in front of you, so this is where I practice what I preach. Grateful to my anxiety for emailing me those manuscripts, I will keep writing.

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